1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
