i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
