I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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