apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize