meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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