yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
