well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
