wanna go halves on a baby?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
