Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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