i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
