yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
