he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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