I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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