Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
