She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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