dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
