i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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