hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
