I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
