Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
