I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
