I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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