Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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