guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
