last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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