maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
