Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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