You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
