I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You're like the curious george of whores
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize