And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
