I am puke
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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