why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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