Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
