Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
