just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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