Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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