yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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