She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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