I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
