420 ftw
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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