I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
