i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the day after is always just damage control
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize