Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
