omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
