Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize