Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
