Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
