This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
