did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
