took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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