pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
