My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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