Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You left your phone here
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