so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
