Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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