My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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