singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just pee around me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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