If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
