what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
