the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
