It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
