i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
