Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
