Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
