Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
