I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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