so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
