last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
