Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found the puke drawer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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