Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
