Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
